Ngā wāhi whakawhānau Choosing where to give birth

So, home birth is when people choose to stay at home to birth their babies.

So, what I love about home birth, I love the ease with which it happens.

Over the pregnancy, we get to know a whanau and we get to build a rapport and a relationship with the whanau and then when they've chosen to birth at home, coming into their space and supporting them in labor.

And what I know is that the partners are more comfortable in their own space and the whānau, feel free to come and go.

They don't feel like they have to tiptoe around because it's a hospital and I can come in and work with that and support that.

 So we are very fortunate that his sister had just had two home births and so she planted the seed for us and as soon as we found out we were hapū.

We made that decision that day, we didn't even think about it.

We were just like, yeah, he was he was like, stoked.

Like, yay, I'm so happy.

And then I was like, okay, we're having a home birth and that was that was it.

We didn't actually think of any other way to have a baby, she was pretty set on it and once she’s set on it set on something probably best not to try dissuade her.

So, yeah.

 So we had a home birth with both of our daughters.

 We didn't know really what to expect going into the first one but that I knew that I wanted the water birth.

And so we had the pool blown up.

And I think what was really nice is everyone just kind of sat around and like and chatted and made people coffees and like, it was just a nice like calm environment.

 It felt  like yeah, I was in control.

 We knew.

 Yeah, literally.

 I don't even think that we had the conversation.

 Oh no you told me when we doing the home birth, right?  So that was about it.

 That was pretty much it.

So giving us have the space and time to look inward and really go through the motions of what birth was going to be.

 Yeah.

 This is like a level of intimacy that I think you can really curate in your own environment.

 So we had planned a home birth because our previous home birth experiences were wonderful.

 At some point in the pregnancy, I had some health issues that might have meant we had to have them at the hospital.

 The girls were very sad about that.

 Because they wouldn't have been able to come.

 Luckily, that all came right, and we were able to have the home birth.

 I didn't think that I was anywhere near close, so, the the midwife wasn't here when she probably should have been.

 But then I went into the bathroom and I could feel his head.

 Do you want me to say that?  And.

Yeah.

 Okay.

Who called the midwife pretty quick?  And they came running through the doors just within minutes.

 So possibly, in the bathroom, but, all of us in there.

 Oh, my God.

 Even before I was even planning to have a baby ourself, I've seen on, like, Facebook before, people sharing about home birth.

 Like, especially pool birth at home.

 So, I've always been quite interested in that since I saw that, because in Malaysia it is not an option.

 And since I'm here, I know that this is an option, and I really wanted to experience that myself.

 Yeah.

 So that's the main reason why I chose home birth.

 Well, I really wanted to right from the get go.

 You were a bit more nervous, but by number two of our midwife, came in on a Saturday so we could all meet together, and she walked us through a home birth.

 She showed us the kit that she would bring with all the all the different medications and things like that that they would need to use,  if there was a bit more of an emergency.

 And you were convinced that  okay, we'll give it a go.

 when they brought the kit over and all of that type of thing  and explain things better because I didn't know.

 Yeah.

 It just put my mind at ease and especially how Anna was for the first one.

 I really liked the idea of being in our own home, being much more relaxed.

We didn't plan on having a home birth we had spoken about it.

Yeah, the night before even the day of.

Yeah.

Just saying.

Yeah, we're going to go to the hospital.

And you looked at me and you were like, we're staying home.

And I was like, all right, we're staying.

But in my head I knew, oh we’re not ready.

There like a lot of positives in having your pēpē at home.

And for me it was the becoming of a māmā.

So what I mean by that is that it's tough like, it's rough giving birth.

And so being at home what you have access to is yourself and your what your midwife brings, And so it really allows you to go through the journey of birthing your pēpē.

And I can hand on heart so that if I was in hospital, I would be reaching out for anything to have made that journey easier.

I just knew that I didn't want to go to the hospital.

I knew that my midwife specialized in home births and I knew that this would be the first option birthing at home and if not then hospital.

Like I just didn't really overthink it too much.

I could just made sense to me.

Like, that's a natural thing that we've been doing for all of eternity.

Women give birth all the time.

So it just made sense to do it as natural as possible and to give my body the chance to do what it's naturally meant to do.

The place of birth is something that we plan and I usually bring it up right at the very beginning actually, in the booking visit.

To let you know once I've kind of gone through someone's history heard all about the what they want and usually they won't know what they want.

But if everything is clinically okay and there's no medical reason why not, then I would always present that as an option.

I'd say look your options would be firstly, you could be at home Secondly, you could be in a birth unit And thirdly, probably not recommended because you are completely normal at this point would be the hospital.

That it would be better if the common knowledge about home birth was that it was safe and easy rather than, some fear that might have been instilled by I don't know, Hollywood.

Basically homebirth is your own birth.

It's completely safe to do this thing which is a normal bodily process in the comfort of your own home.

I remember my sister telling me, you know she was going to have a home birth and I thought that was the most ridiculous idea someon had ever said to me.

I said, that’s stupid but you know my not my decision.

And then, it was my dad that said it was amazing.

Yeah, it's one of the ties it ties.

You know, it's all kids fit on.

So, you know, wherever they're from wherever you are, it's.

Rather than just a public hospital where you might be, you're born in a in a home, in a house that is there to nurture you I guess And house you and keep you safe.

And then it was the ease dad was saying, after baby was born Everything's there, kai’s there straight to your own bed.

You're surrounded by your own Whānau.

We always get a reaction from everyone.

Yeah, a lot of them are like, why? Like I thought you're usually in the hospital.

Yeah.

That's the usual response.

Yeah.

And they ask is it going to be safe? And, are you sure that’s alright? What if something happened? What if you need backup? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Most of them think that It requires, you know medical interventions all the time.

Yeah.

That's the belief.

From the get go that's the first one I wanted to home birth And I was so disappointed that we hadn't done the home birth because I'd if we'd done the home birth with the first one, I just know I wouldn't have had the epidural.

I wouldn't have had the interventions the same.

So that was a huge factor in wanting to home birth, because you just you couldn't just grab I want the epidural.

You know, you have that sort of moment.

Well I have with most of them where I thought, oh just so tired it would be so nice to to not have, have the pain.

And then as soon as the baby comes, it's gone.

It's done.

But your Dad and Mum were in the era where you Dad didn't go into the delivery room, did he? So it's just it's a complete flip around from how things were.

Like when I had my children, I don't even...

We were never given that option of a home birth, It was always expected that you'd go to the hospital and Yeah.

So you had doctors and nurses and people coming and going.

And with regard to the birth, that's definitely being at home with Jamie And that was a lot, a lot nicer a lot more natural a gentler way into the world if you know what I mean.

You know just that that soft, warm environment and, yeah, I mean, you know, if you have to go to the hospital, you have to do that.

If you've got a choice then definitely home birth is a lovely way to do it.

I think there was a lot of a lot of shock and people thought that was like an unusual out of the norm thing to do.

And, commented on us being really brave.

And I think that came out of other people's fear of it being like you know having giving birth is like this big scary thing.

And I guess people like always tell the like gory you know, horror stories of when people's births have not gone to plan and you don't often hear the like the nice stories and the positive like empowering stories as much I hear that it's more likely that if you go into hospital that they will be like interventions that happen.

I was just along for the ride but I definitely don't like hospitals and none of that sounded like a good time going in and sort of like lying on the floor.

A hospital, which was so chaotic it was because it was so many, so many different people making decisions that when I was there I felt like I was in the way because, you know there were doctors coming in, different midwives, nurses coming in and they're all talking and my cousins are there in labor and no one's tuning into her.

And everyone's discussing things over here while she's over there.

Like, it was just so much happening you know, like, what the heck? Thank you for being quiet because it was the only time it was quiet was when baby was born.

And it was only for about 5-10 minutes.

Yeah.

And then it started getting chaotic again.

Yeah, but that was my experience watching hospital births.

Yeah.

One of the things that I was often thinking about was how can the space that when I give birth be the mauri, be tau and everyone be okay.

And because we had gone through IVF and our son is the first moko line, David's so his mum's first moko.

I could feel that she just wants us to be safe.

And that version of what safe is is going to the hospital.

You know, because that is the korero that's what we hear.

That's what we that's what is told to us.

And I remember I talking to at one stage about like birthing son in a hospital out of fear as opposed to birth things on at home with aroha like because it's kind of like, oh, we need to go to the hospital just in case this happens.

But actually so you're preparing yourself to go into a space of just in case as opposed to, for me, was being at home knowing that has first or son's first experience of Te Ao is our whare as our home, as our whānau is our love and not be affected.

You know, even those just in case things though, can still be managed at home.

I think the most predominant view around place of birth is that it's safer in the hospital.

And in actual fact if people know the statistics and the reality, then it might make them consider choosing home instead.

What we know is that for a first time mama has had a well, pregnancy and is a well woman.

What we know is that if they choose to birth at home, they're less likely to end up with a caesarean.

They're less likely to have an instrumental delivery, they're less likely to have an episiotomy, they're less likely to have severe perineal trauma, they're less likely to have a big bleed, after birth or a postpartum partum hemorrhage, and the rates of breastfeeding and skin to skin are higher.

The rates of satisfaction for whānau who've had home births, are often a lot higher around their birthing experience.

So you truly get to choose what you want in your own home.

I truly believe, that it's the perfect alternative to to the hospital, especially if people are feeling tense and nervous about their birth, then home is always better.

So yeah, once I had my first birth and even then, like just before I was about to give birth, I was saying no, I need to go to the hospital.

I can't do this.

I need to go.

But the hospital's about 40 minutes away from here.

And I could hear the midwife saying, you can either have a baby here or you can have a baby in the ambulance.

Which one do you want? And so I was like, okay, I'm going to have this baby here.

But once I had baby, it was like a light bulb came into my head like, oh, I was made for this.

Like this is this is meant to happen all these different stages that I went through to get to this point was meant to happen.

And it wasn't until at the end of it when the midwife was like yeah, when you told me you needed to go to the hospital she knew that I was about to push.

Like she was like, that's usually the endpoint.

I mean, when woman ask for help, she's a you're at that point me about to push.

Yeah.

It was kind of like I wanted to give my body the opportunity to do what it was meant to do.

When that's that side of the birthing you just got to let it happen.

It's just you just have to let that part happen.

It's everything else that you can control.

like who's looking after your kids? Who's looking after for me our midwives looking after my partner if he needs help.

Him looking after me.

Like as long as those things are sorted the birthing can just happen.

Yeah.

Think he can He can have as much as you want to.

As little as you want within a birth.

You know, some I think some people have and decorate their rooms with fairy lights and, and whatnot.

I just yeah I put some blankets down on the pool just to make it a little bit more cozy.

Yeah, I suppose as opposed to a tarpaulin and a drop sheet painting drop sheet or something like that.

Like a nice Spotify playlist as well.

We had music on in the background.

Yeah.

I think that's the good thing about a homebirth is you can he create the environment that that suits you.

Yeah.

I don't even think I packed hospital bags for some of them.

I just know we're just going to have the baby.

I think the more relaxed you are the, the easier it is.

It's sort of you always know that if something goes wrong that the midwives are there, they will they will get us the help we need.

You know they are monitoring all the time.

That's their job they know what they're doing.

In an emergency or just in a normal birth situation, all the things that we do in hospital we can do at home.

You know, apart from Forceps deliveries and ventouse deliveries and caesarean sections.

It's like we bring a mini hospital.

So we have IV fluids.

We have catheters.

If we needed to put a catheter in a woman we've got all of the things that we need to deal with a postpartum hemorrhage.

If a woman loses a bit too much blood after the birth.

So if baby needed help with breathing then we've got a bag and mask.

Like that.

We've got all the things that we would do.

The first line things that we would do in the hospital, we've got they're all there with us and we're really comfortable with managing it.

We always have a colleague with us who we're used to working with, and so we work really well together to make sure mama and baby are safe.

Planning to stay at home is what gives those great rates, you know, of lower intervention for labor and for babies.

Saving the comfort of your own home.

You know everything is where everyone is, who's in your house.

It's like, you know, not in a hospital room where there's just like a hundred people gone in and out and all this kind of stuff.

It's just like you're here in your house, safe.

No one's coming in or out.

Yeah, it's just like everything's where it should be, where, you know, it is sort of just a lot of variables out there just outside your door.

There's just so much that can happen or whatever.

It's. It's like now you're just safe right here with everyone that you want to be here and you're comfortable.

We're. We’re very fortunate that we could you know, do a nursery out of our bedroom.

Yeah.

Which was the safest and most comfortable place through the bed in the corner, we posted up this blow up pool and I filled it up from the shower.

And that that was our our sacred space for the night.

You know, for me, one of the huge benefits was just not having to think about having to get up and move.

So I could really be with you for sensation.

That was birth.

So right now I'm experiencing, a wave preempting a contraction across the front of my body and up my back, and by me sitting like this and being able to move.

So I decide I'm just opening up a bit of space and giving it room to come in and leave.

Sometimes that can be quite restricting on breath so opening up Yeah, my chest has been really helpful.

Yeah, yeah, it's a really beautiful feeling.

Very intense.

But each time I go through it I'm learning to be more present in my body and not focus on what's come before or what's coming.

That's really strong.

I didn’t last as long One more step closer to meeting baby.

Tirangi has started my feeling some movement and forms of contraction throughout the night.

Thankfully she let me sleep, so I went to the gym.

Good to go this morning which is great and then go back home and we'll see how we go.

So, we're pretty slow progress at the moment.

We've gone for a walk.

She's going for a shower.

Just going to start trying things to get the process, humming along.

So at this point, it's relaxed and white out for baby.

Oh, he's going to catch just enough that she's singing.

Twins.

From my perspective Just trying to make sure that there's no there's no pressure on Tirangi  to make this happen.

Right.

So as long as she's comfortable as long as she's you know, okay mentally then we will be absolutely fine.

And I feel physically prepared.

We're good to go.

And we'll just take it as it comes from here on in.

Keep it all light hearted I think is the way to go.

That'll stop once things start winding up.

You know, some of the jokes, I'll get decapitated.

When you're in pain, you don't care.

You're just like oh, well, like, this is just a part of it.

Yeah.

Because we were like, yes we have everything sorted.

You know? We just have to do it now.

I always get emotional whenever my kids are born, you know? For all three of them.

It's an emotional response.

And it was nice to be surrounded by family.

And it was nice to have our kids there.

And so our kids got to watch their baby brother be born.

It seemed like just based on her reactions on why the pain was probably, a little bit more intense and then doubled up.

I could also see my daughter reacting tearing up, watching her mom go through it so that was that was pretty rough.

And then getting all teary eyed.

So that was pretty rough.

And then Yeah, then baby was born.

It was great.

I'm sure of it.

It was like we didn't give birth as was like nothing happened.

I was just in bed and I was like giggling and laughing with the midwives who were checking my vagina.

And I was just giggling with them.

But I was like, nothing happened.

But there's like a bit of a high that you go through right after you give birth and you're like, oh my god I did that.

I'm amazing.

And everyone was feeling it too.

I think we were just prepared.

We were just prepared for this one.

We had kai and so that was nice.

We've had lots of support from our Whānau.

It's been really nice.

Hey.

Watching their faces I think when the siblings were born was one of my best memories.

That was just, pride and just amazement.

Yeah.

I hope that I've given them some kind of courage to know that they could do it.

If they wanted.

And also that our bodies are just incredible.

And, like, look what we can do.

You know, I'm getting teary because it's Yeah bodies are just absolutely incredible.

And to know that you can be in that pain and you can do it and then just all of a sudden you know, you're okay, the baby's out.

And and here you are in your own home is just.

It was cool.

You know, delivering my children was probably the best part of it.

And I was like, as we were saying before it's like we asked for the midwives to be sort of hands off so we could be in there.

And it was just probably one of the best things for me personally, is getting to deliver all three of my children you know, as soon as they come into this world I'm the first person to catch them.

But when I look back there's only good feeling like I'm I'm really I'm really happy with, despite being rushed, just how, how well it all went, and how comfortable everybody felt.

Yeah.

You still get emotional when you watch them.

Yes, I do, if I watch a video I still get bit of a teary eyed.

Oh, yes.

Especially like the first one iwas like oh.

I was really upset because I was so rushed and I thought, no, I didn't get this one on camera and then Paige was like.

And then I was like, oh my God, it's well she started going through a lot of pain, I could already tell so I just started saying it's going to be okay.

Mum You're doing great.

I decided that I wanted to cut the cord so my papa was behind me leading me to show me what to do.

I would say it was nice And made me really happy to see my baby brother after all those months, made me pretty emotional.

I started crying because it's, So I just thought to myself, that's my baby too.

The reason I have been so set on having my whānau  there at every birth It's purely for my understanding that us Te Ao Māori we work better as a collective than we do alone.

It felt right for us, for me to have my baby be born in the arms of his whānau.

Our home birth experiences It was very our midwife allowed it to be whānau led She was there to just guide left and right.

The medical side of things was with the midwife and everything else it encompasses birthing a pēpē was our whānau.

I guess the like in the lead up.

Like through your pregnancy, you built like a good relationship with your midwife and you trust them.

And yeah they say that, you know, you're fine.

You're going to be safe.

That I think I really believe that.

Yeah.

We as a group make it easier for women by having, a couple of different birth pools, all they need to provide is the liner for the inside.

And we bring that round to the house.

We clean up after ourselves generally.

Yeah.

We use a big, strong man in the house sometimes to help us move water around, but generally we can manage it quite quickly and simply.

I knew we had the pool.

Well.

Well, I thought we had We did have the pool.

We didn't have the pads to make up the pool because those were the important things for me.

Like, I knew I wanted to have my pēpē in water, like for son to be a water birth and the environment like those were the two.

Anything else could happen.

But it was like sun, water and mauritau.

Just like a calm environment, right? I was trying not to cry.

You can cry.

Nah nah.

Yeah.

I remember when he came out and the first thing I saw was him on your chest.

And you were about to cry, like, why is he not breathing? I looked around the room, and at that time our midwife, Sarah grabbed him and just lay him down next to the pool.

He took a little while to take his first tīhei moment.

And so our whānau were waiting around for the tīhei and while we were waiting for that he was, our wairua still with our tipuna And so he hadn't taken his first breath straight away.

But it was all under control everything was under control.

Our midwives stepped in at that point and our whānau it had all been whānau led And, you know until that point where we needed the professional, guidance.

And because of that relationship whānau I just went boom! Like, you do what you need to do and we're here.

There was karakia happening.

My sister was reciting our, pepeha our whakapapa And our midwives had their resuss equipment there And they did what they needed to do.

It wasn't even long.

And then you just heard bah and then he was crying and It’s important to speak about this because it's not all smooth sailing.

But that this could happen in the hospital as well.

But out experience with it was.

We were held you know we weren’t our son wasn't taken away from us to a place where we didn't know, and we had it covered so it was manageable.

It was fine.

And then now we have our beautiful Maioha Mateu Sometimes babies need a little bit of help with breathing after they're born.

So we've got oxygen cylinder and a bag, a mask, and we set up a little resuss station just in case baby needs a bit of help transitioning from fetal circulation to newborn circulation.

At no point in that time, despite how hard it was like emotionally and physically for you.

But, there was no point in time where I thought we doubt the decision we made to stay at home, not at all.

And now being where we are now those things are also unavoidable.

You know, it's just all part of it.

Yeah, having a baby.

I feel I'm glad that that happened at home than elsewhere.

Well, as a midwife I just want to support everyone's choice for how and where they birth.

And I want them to feel really comfortable.

And I've in my experience, people who are at home when they're laboring are much more likely to progress.

And their labor and find that they're more relaxed at home.

So I encourage women to do that.

And birthing people should all have the option of doing that.

You're kind of wishes And what you're passionate about have to align with your midwife because it's a huge journey that you're on.

And people you know some people may say labor and birth it's just that but it can be so much more, that you can, you know, enjoy it almost or look back on it and be like, wow, you know that was everything I wanted.

So I think just finding somebody that can align with how you want that experience to go.

It is important because it is it is for me it an experience and the mental prep is there because I think it's important to figure out what's happening to your body From start to finish of labor.

So, you know, I'm feeling this because this is happening.

It's what it's good for.

I reckon that's why antenatal classes are so good, especially for first time parents and fathers.

Yes.

So you know what's going on with your partner's body as well as how to help them through everything? Yeah, because mum made me have another cute little brother.

And I like having kids brothers because when they're born, they look cute like me.

You know, All the animals go and have a baby and it's not a big deal.

And so why do we need to go  in to this environment where you do feel well, I would I felt more anxious at the hospital.

I didn't enjoy the experience the same.

I just think your body is designed to deal with whatever sort of comes its way.

And yeah.

Why is labor any different? Why do we get told we've got to go to the hospital and you need to, you know, have all of us.

It's it's lovely if you do need it, but it's, it's it's actually not necessary.

And yeah, your body gets through it.

And as soon as baby's here, It’s all over and it's amazing.

After the birth their also right there If you want them to share in this amazing, miraculous experience that is life.

Yeah.

I was very excited, very excited for that.

Not to show his face to you.

So.

Yeah.

And welcoming us home and you know, having kai ready sharing laughter over dinners.

That was really nice.

It was very enjoyable.

That's very very enjoyable.

yeah yeah I thoroughly enjoyed it.

So it's an honor to be Maui's mama.

I feel so lucky to have the baby I have so I love being a mama.

I love I love that I gave birth on the couch.

I think that's just so funny.

And spend as much time as we needed.

We were where we needed to be.

You don't need anything out here to help you with what's in here.

The biggest person that can help you is you.

And I feel when a lot of women really start to tune into themselves, they'll be able to trust in their ability to just do what we were made to do and just reproduce.

That's what women were made to do, is just to continue the cycle of life.

Well, it's the most satisfying job in the world, really, to see so much joy and such an incredible creation.

You know, it's just actually a privilege to be part of that journey whether it's the first, second or however many babies they choose to have, it's just really it's an honor to be there and to support them.

And whatever choice they make.

It's about supporting a birthing person's choices.

And if they want to stay in, they can stay.

If they change their mind and labor then that's fine too.

They can go into hospital.

Whatever feels safest for the birthing person in the whānau.